[It is 2:30 am. Phil is awakened by the noise of two cats yowling outside his bedroom window].
"Shut up, damn you!" [Throws his shoe at them].
"Aw, crap!" [Phil realizes a split second later that, like most guys, that's the only pair of shoes he has and he will need to get his right shoe back. Phil gets dressed and goes outside to look for it].
"Sc**w it!" [It's too dark out and Phil can't find his shoe. He was out boozing with his frat buddies the night before and was too exhausted to keep looking. He gratefully flops face down onto a nearby sofa that someone has discarded and falls into a deep but troubled sleep].
[It is 8:45 am. Phil is awakened by a garbage man who is standing over him laughing and holding a camera]: "OK, move it, bud! We've gotta haul this stuff away".
[Phil jolts upright in a panic]. "S**t! I'm late for work!!"
[Phil has a vague sense that this might not turn out to be a very nice day. He had lost his shoe, possibly his job and his clothes reeked of - ugh - what was that smell??]
"Oh, I'll KILL those bloody CATS!!".
[It is 8:00 pm. Thankfully, the day is over. Earlier, Phil had to hit his parents up and grovel for $80 to buy some clothes and a cheap pair of shoes. None of the four $20 bills he got were Insert notes. Oh well. His boss had also chewed him out and docked him half a day's pay for being late, and poor Phil still had the smell of that filthy sofa in his nostrils. He couldn't remember ever having smelled anything so nasty!].
[It is 8:01 pm. A light bulb goes off over Phil's head.] "Hey, now I know what to do once I graduate from University! I'll open a pub, and I'll call it 'Philthy McNasty's'!!"
The rest is history...
...and for me to have sat here all this time typing this drivel only proves that I have no life!
Gotcha! I did this at work on the company's time, so in a sense I even got PAID for typing this rubbish! Who's the loser now??
